It seems to be the desire of every parent to see that their children somehow have a better life than their own. We don’t want our children to experience the same struggles, the same pain, the same hardships. We do what we can to protect them, either warning them of potential hazards and trying to steer them around them, or shielding them somehow from the issues, or by softening the blow if they otherwise get caught up in a situation. We do it out of love, wanting the best for our kids. Yet sometimes, all we manage to do is put them in greater danger later on in life.
What we seem to forget sometimes as parents is a powerful 1-2 combination of life lessons. The first is that actions have consequences, and the second is that failure can be a powerful teacher. When our children take a course of action that leads to failure, our efforts to protect them from the consequences of that failure can cause them to think that they succeeded, or not learn the lessons that can be learned. In other words, by taking the sting out of wrong decisions, we have prevented them from growing as human beings.
As it turns out, pain is an important part of the equation that makes failure a powerful teacher. Whether the pain is physical, emotional, or financial, it causes us to make changes that lead to a different outcome. When you don’t have enough money to go on a date, you realize that maybe you should not have been buying $5 coffee every morning. When you find yourself with no one to trust, perhaps you realize that you should have treated others better. When you wake up with a splitting headache but still have to go to work, you realize that you shouldn’t have gotten drunk the night before. The painful consequences can be the perfect teacher for a student who otherwise refuses to listen.
It sure feels to me like there are too many people making unwise decisions because they never had to deal with painful consequences of previous actions. At some point, the consequences will come due. As a pastor, I’m most concerned about the consequences that have eternal implications, but as a human being I’m also concerned about the consequences here in the material world. I also think that understanding that our actions have consequences in the material world can be one of the best ways to get people to take seriously the issue of eternal consequences. Proverbs 13:24 profoundly states “whoever spares the rod hates their children, but whoever loves their children is careful to discipline them.” Yes, we must be compassionate people who seek justice and love mercy, but perhaps what we think is loving behavior is actually the opposite. Maybe the most loving thing that we can do to promote wisdom today is allow for people to grow by experiencing consequences and making their own decisions to modify behavior.
I know this is an unusual one from me today but, after all, it is simply a pastor’s perspective.
Peace and blessings – Pastor Aaron