One of the significant advances made over the last several decades in the area of communications technology is the adaptation of virtual meeting options such as Zoom or Microsoft Teams. Being able to look folks in the eyes while talking with them has always facilitated a deeper connection than simply talking over the phone, as non-verbal cues can say so much more than just words. Further, the ability to fold into the conversation data and images that help to clarify whatever it is that is being discussed allows people to feel like they are in a room together, sharing information and actually collaborating, all the while being physically separated by hundreds or thousands of miles.
These virtual meetings are so much more convenient than getting all of the participants together in the same location at the same time, but that convenience comes at a cost. People can be there on the screen, but they can be there in image only, with their minds far from the meeting. You can alter the background image to show whatever you like, or mute your microphone so that people cannot hear the sounds just beyond you, hiding the fact that you have snuck away to some vacation spot where the sights and sounds are capturing 98% of your attention. You can be staring straight into the camera, being seen by others, all the while looking past everyone to the place that you soon hope to be. In the process, we create this false notion that we really can be two places at once, that we can be thinking about two things at the same time.
I’m definitely guilty of poor listening habits with virtual meetings like this. Unfortunately, while attending some recent conferences in person, I realized that these habits that so quickly were strengthened through virtual meetings carried over to some of my in-person engagements. Sure, all of us can get distracted, but I found my mind wandering further than usual as my discipline of focused listening had been weakened by the poor habits that crept in during these various online conversations. Instead of giving a person my full attention, I was giving them something considerably less even as I stood right in front of them. Not only is that rude, it also meant that I was likely not picking up on some of the small details that are critical to building strong relationships.
The virtual world now coexists with the real world, and we will develop habits within either of those realms that we will then bring into the other, whether we notice or not. Yet only one of those worlds is real, providing the fullness of experiences that humans were created to benefit from. Virtual relationships pale in comparison with actual relationships with people you can share a meal, a pat on the back, or even a warm embrace with. Relationships that flourish when you are 100% present, not merely showing your face. The people who will be around you today deserve your full attention, so push beyond that desire to be someplace else mentally or physically, and strengthen your relationships with the people who are actually present, in person. After all, it is hard to love your neighbor as yourself if you aren’t seeing your neighbors when they are right in front of you.
Peace and blessings – Pastor Aaron