Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, which must mean that love is in the air. Cards are being picked out, flowers purchased, and perhaps romantic meals planned. For some, it will be the first time asking a particular person to be their valentine, while for others this may be their fiftieth time sharing Valentine’s Day together. Romance is the goal for the day, with the hope that it will lead to greater times together.
As someone who has performed lots of wedding ceremonies, I’ve seen what some of those greater times can look like. Couples deciding to make a commitment to each other, before God and collected witnesses, then setting out to embrace life together. I’ve seen the beautiful families that have resulted from some of these marriages, and had the privilege of dedicating some of those children to the Lord. For some, the romance of Valentine’s Day seems to keep flowing in their relationships, helping to keep the marriage bond strong.
Unfortunately, I’ve also seen many marriages that have been in major trouble or have crumbled. They too had started with the love and romance epitomized by Valentine’s Day, but problems crept in. When I would talk with the couples, particularly the men, they typically held to the notion that they still loved one another, but they had a different understanding of what love was and what it looked like. I would frequently then remind them of their wedding vows, particularly the phrase “to love and to cherish”, and then ask them how they were doing with the commitment to cherish one another.
Deep, abiding love for each other, the sort that includes selflessness and sacrifice, is critical to the success of a marriage. However, that can often look like hard work – which it is. Unfortunately, that hard work can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion, and the focus of one or both partners shifts to the drudgery of the work that love requires. In the process of trying to be loving, they forget to cherish one another, and the romance dies.
Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines cherish as: 1) to hold dear, feel or show affection for; or 2) to keep or cultivate with care or affection. It isn’t necessarily separate from love, but it does reflect a specific way of demonstrating love towards your partner. In many ways, it is a continuation of the dating that we did before the marriage, back when we felt like we needed to demonstrate our affection because we wanted to build our relationship into something truly special – something worthy of spending a lifetime together. A lifetime where there is something beyond the sacrifices that long-term relationships require. A lifetime where the flame of romance never dies.
This Valentine’s Day, be reminded of the importance of cherishing your romantic partner, and then realize that you are allowed to cherish more than one day every year. Feel free to go overboard on the romance on February 14th but then be sure to demonstrate your affection on the other 364 days of the year. Even something as simple as holding hands can make a world of difference in a relationship.
Peace and blessings – Pastor Aaron