There’s an old saying that tells us that we will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. While the wooden, literal application of that saying results in dead flies, the practical application for us leads to being more persuasive in our endeavors. Being sweet can be far more effective than being sour. That is the sort of thinking behind Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People. When two different opinions are presented to us, we will tend to follow the opinion that was delivered by the person we liked more.
The Apostle Peter understood this, as a man whose primary purpose was to present the case for faith in Jesus. In his epistle, he wrote: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15). As Peter was writing with Apostolic authority, he was not making a suggestion. Rather, he was letting the members of the Church know that how the message was delivered was going to greatly impact the effectiveness of the message. That is due in no small part to the fact that the message itself should have had a transformative impact on the deliverer that is evidenced by gentleness and respect. Yet the method is effective far beyond evangelistic messaging.
Whether you live in a small community on a bridgeless island, or in a larger community, communicating persuasively is important. Even the rudest people that we know will have good information that could help us improve some aspect of our communities. Of course, it would be great if we could look beyond our personal biases to receive information regardless of the method of delivery or the personality behind it, but sometimes we just can’t help but assume that the quality of the information is directly tied to the perceived character of the deliverer. Ultimately, that was why Peter knew that people could easily disregard his message if it was presented rudely and disrespectfully. It is just too easy to disregard great information presented by someone we dislike.
What’s the solution? Well, assuming that you realize that you can’t make anyone else change, then the first place to look is into a mirror. Do we have some piece of wisdom that would be helpful for our community? Then figure out how to present it with gentleness and respect. It seems as though we’ve gone over the top, thinking that whoever presents their position the loudest is the victor, or whoever makes a mockery of the opposing position or presenter has the best idea, but we know that isn’t the case. The reality is that you will catch more flies with honey, and gentleness and respect are powerful persuaders. But also try hard to listen to the information being presented by those who seem to have completely ignored this wisdom from the ages, because they might have some really good ideas despite their presentation style. After all, we are all members of the same community.
Peace and blessings – Pastor Aaron